


Five Natural Disasters

by Daegaer



Category: Weiß Kreuz
Genre: Assassins & Hitmen, Humor, M/M, Natural Disasters, Psychic Abilities
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-16
Updated: 2012-10-16
Packaged: 2017-11-16 18:13:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/542375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daegaer/pseuds/Daegaer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Crawford doesn't see things coming.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Natural Disasters

**Author's Note:**

> This round of [](http://stagesoflove.livejournal.com/profile)[**stagesoflove**](http://stagesoflove.livejournal.com/) has just finished, and my theme set was "Five natural disasters."

_Running up that hill_

 

 

"God hates you too," Farfarello said as Schuldig wiped his sweaty face with his bandanna.

" _Crawford_ hates me," Schuldig wheezed. He considered shooting Crawford in the back. _Bastard_ , he thought. _I hate you._

_It's good stamina training._ Crawford waved from further up the slope. _You're tiring too quickly at night. Oh - get ready to run._

_You're_ never _getting in my bed again_. "Holiday in scenic Iceland," Schuldig muttered sarcastically. "Bastard Iceland, bastard mount- _fuck!_ "

They gaped upward, then fled downhill much faster than they'd been climbing, as Eyjafjallajökull made its views on trekkers known.

"Yeah," Farfarello said happily, "God hates you."

 

 

_Breakfast in America_

 

"I hate working in America," Nagi grumbled. "Everyone's so _cheery_." He telekinetically decapitated the last target. "Have a nice day!" he trilled.

"We'll get frozen yoghurt later," Crawford said as if offering an indulgent treat.

"I want pizza, corndogs and buffalo wings," Nagi said. "If we _have_ to be here, I want the junk food."

"This is California," Crawford said. "Frozen yoghurt it is."

"Fuck California!" Nagi yelled petulantly, stamping his foot.

The San Andreas Fault made a peculiar, eager noise. They looked at each other, then ran.

"You're grounded, young man!" Crawford yelled as the buildings started to topple.

 

 

_Only You Can Prevent_

 

"Poor baby," Schuldig said, stroking Crawford's brow. "Did the naughty ickle boy almost kill you?"

"No," Crawford snapped. "I knew he'd pick then to have a tantrum."

"No, you didn't," Nagi said indistinctly through his pizza. "By the way, I hate this forest."

Schuldig threw him a Snickers bar.

_Three-two-one_ , Crawford thought, shooting several times as the target and his companions came into view on the hiking trail. They all dropped."Let's go."

"Crawford," Farfarello said, peering through a telescope. "Did you foresee hitting their kerosene?"

"Um," Crawford said, watching flames begin to lick at the forest floor. "Run?"

They ran.

 

 

_In Full Spate_

 

"Nothing's going to happen this week, right?" Schuldig said, murmuring threateningly in Crawford's ear. "No eruptions, earthquakes or raging infernos?"

"No," Crawford said dismissively. "And any killing will be purely recreational."

"Speaking of which, where's the room service?" Schuldig said.

"Give a good tip when it gets here."

"I'll give a tip all right," Schuldig muttered, loading his pistol.

Hours later, they finally got out of bed. As Schuldig ranted about bad service Crawford strolled to the window and looked out, appalled. Water rushed past, a foot below their fifth floor room.

It was entirely possible he needed a retuning.

 

 

_Ancient Seas_

 

"Relax," Crawford said. "Mars is a dead planet, we _can't_ face natural disasters here."

Spacesuits or not, the expressions on Schwarz's faces were perfectly clear. He sighed.

"Once we kill the scientists trying to find water we'll leave. Dinner's on me for a week."

"A month," Schuldig said.

"A year," Farfarello added.

"Forever," Nagi said.

Distant explosions made the ground shudder ominously; they all looked at the horizon in shock.

"I think they found water," Farfarello said.

As the hundred-foot wall of water raced towards them, Crawford reflected that at least his teammates would shoot him before he could drown.


End file.
